HARDEST VIDEO I EVER FILMED | DESI PERKINS

Publicado em 10 Jul 2018
This is a long one....but it all needed to be said. I hope this video helps anyone that's going through something similar, and to know that you're not alone. I also hope this video educates anyone who doesn't know how pregnancy questions could affect someone who's dealt or dealing with a stillbirth, miscarriages, infertility & any other pregnancy complications.
Extending all my love to all of those who are suffering. Know that I'm here with you ❤️

Comentários

  • I’m going through this at the moment with my fiancé and it does break my heart because I thought deep in my heart I was pregnant .. I sometimes feel like something is wrong with me because my fiancés friends keep asking when we’re going to have a baby etc but honey lets have faith and try to be at our healthiest so we can have the healthiest baby, God knows when .. I am in this journey with you Desi 💛

  • I send you a lot of love

  • Love you so much Desi. I cried with you and empathize. Wish I could give you a heartfelt hug. You and your husband are such incredible people. Please keep shining.

  • You are loved God has a plan❤️

  • This video made my teared up over & over again especially seeing the video clips you had filmed from before. I wish I can give you a hug & cry with you. Thank you for sharing this video with us Desi, I've been watching your videos for a while now but this one really hit me hard. It takes a lot of courage to open up & talk about this sensitive subject publicly when you're usually portrayed as a fun/happy/glamorous person on social media so I appreciate how real you got in this video. This video will definitely help uplift others who are going through a similar situation as you & Steven. I am hopeful for you both & both of you will make amazing parents whether you will have biological children or choose for adoption because the pre-parental love you both already have now will only multiply when that timing comes. I agree that pregnancy comments are very disrespectful & inconsiderate, not only the ones published online but it's also not cool to ask in-person too. I'm sorry you've been feeling depressed & alone but we are all here for you & we love you! Thank you for choosing to share your personal life with us & making us all feel relatable. Never lose your gleam of hope because the best things are saved for last.

  • You are brave for talking about this. Thank you for sharing. Im sure there is someone out there who is greatful u made this video becaue she feels the same. May God bless you and see yoy through this

  • This melts my heart, you are so strong & so beautiful

  • Desi you are an angel. You are in my prayers. God is good and has a great plan for you. Don’t ever stop believing. Praying for you now, and I will continue to pray for your future family! I can’t wait for the day when you come on here and announce you are pregnant. The whole world will be rejoicing with you. We love you Desi!❤️

  • It’s going to be okay ! From the bottom of my heart .. May God bless you ! 🙏🏼

  • The clip of Steven was great

  • Thank you for sharing your story. Such a brave thing to do. ❤️

  • You’re so brave ❤️

  • It will come when you least expect it 💖 wishing you all the best

  • This is my biggest fear. I’m so scared of this and I just balled my eyes out for you. I can only imagine how you feel.. but I know you’ll have a baby and I will pray for you! Maybe it’s because you have so much going on right now and God is waiting because you’re enjoying this part of your life right now. Love you Desi, so much! ♥️

  • Do you realize how many people will be praying for you after this video? I made a sincere prayer for you, trust me God is so magical and when strangers make prayers for you it's stronger. If you read this please make prayer for her.

  • God bless you both😘... God will send you a little angel when you least expect it. 😊 You had me crying the whole time because I went through the same thing. Having a miscarriage is so hard for a woman. I will never forget 😔 I’m scared to try again... I strongly agree that everything happens for a reason, so whenever god wants to plant that little peanut inside me, I will happily accept 😁. Stay strong and professional help is the best thing you can do... Advice: Just make sure your cervix isn’t tilted and if it is, get it massaged back in place.

  • You are a remarkable woman. Your strength is inspiring. So grateful that you’ve chosen to share this with us. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  • Try prenatals, taking them for about 6 months and continue to be proactive to get your levels up. You are going to get what you desire. Believe sweetie.

  • Desi. You are one amazing woman. I love you so much! You touched my heart more than words can express. Please, NEVER give up, nor feel embarrassed. God will NEVER put you through something you cannot conquer. You and Steven are in my prayers. May your beautiful home and daily life and attitude be blessed with lots of love, hope, faith and gratitude. You are amazing. Wow I am stunned by how beautiful your heart is. You are definitely being watched over by beautiful angels and of course our Lord. I knew I loved you as a person for more than just the regular daily content you posted. Thank you so much for sharing your story❤️

  • 💕💕💕 so proud of you for being brave and sharing this. So many people are struggling with the same thing and need to hear other women talk about it. Maybe you are going through all this for a time, just so that you can reach out to others. God has a beautiful plan for your life, I mean already you’ve been given such an incredible platform, and I truly believe that one day this will just be a small part of that amazing story. 💕 keep the faith sister. You’ll be in my prayers.

    • Also I love the song “take courage” by Bethel. It says “take courage my heart. Stay steadfast my soul. He’s in the waiting. ...and You who hold the stars, and call them each by name, will surely keep Your promise to me, that I will rise in Your victory.” 6The Lord protects the simple-hearted when I was brought low, he saved me. 5Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; our God is merciful. 7Return, O my soul, to your rest; for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you. 8For you have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, 💕 my feet from stumbling; 9I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living.” -Psalm 116

  • So much love and light to you. I always look at your videos and pics with your husband, and of your house and think I would do anything to be that happy, but this shows you are human too. Thank you for your strength and sharing your story. It has also opened my eyes up. I was a mom at the age of 19, and now a single mom to a 6 year old boy living with severe autism. This journey of raising him has been the most challenging and some days I don’t know if I’m strong enough to continue. This is my struggle, but this video has made me hug him tight and be thankful for his life even if it’s not the life I imagined for himself or for me. I am still thankful for him. I will pray for you and your husband. You are incredible ! ❤️

  • I am in my IVF treatment number 3, believe me it is hard to tried and tried and not getting pregnant.

  • My mom already had 3 children before she had me. She was 34, and trying not to get pregnant as she was getting older. But boom, she got pregnant with me! My dad named me Lucky 'cause he said I was a lucky baby. I got pregnant last year without expecting it, and now I have 1 year old boy! Also, I have a friend who tried for 8 years, and just 2yrs ago, she had her daughter. Don't give up Desi! You will be a mom someday. ❤

  • I’ve gone thru this and haven’t had children either. But there are reproductive counselors who can help you thru this I used to work for obgyn for 8 years and we had one. I think this will help you heal so you can move on and have children.

  • Desi you are truly my role model and I look up to you so much! You’re one of the strongest people i know and i love you so much ❤️

  • Desi, You said that it took you years to see a specialist. let me tell you I live in China for 10 years and when i woman is ready to have children the first thing a woman does here is go to see a specialist to put them on a diet for a whole year before they even try to get pregnant and to check themselves completely to see their nutrients etc. if they don't have access to a doctor believe me their elders know how to eat to have healthy children so they will just take advise from their parents. Their diet is usually really high in fats, lots of eggs a day , fish soups and all kind of animal soups and believe me their stadistics for autism are very low and they seem to be very fertile. after leaving here so many years i adopt their ways and i have a second healthy child. for my third i am getting ready meaning i will go see the doctor to do a complete check up. Desi you represent so many women in america that are going through the same, please be a voice inform about how much a healthy life style will impact their offspring. BTW I m not fat despite a eat very high in fat hahaha i am as skinny as you are with 2 children on my back so dont be afraid about gaining weight. Research WESTON A PRICE on traditional diets around the world. Read his book Nutrition and Physical degeneration you won't regret!!!! He who has ears, let him hear. - Carla

  • Oh honey, had no idea you and Steven or mostly you were struggling with this problem! 😭I’m praying for you and hoping for the best!! 🙏🏼I can see why this is so hard for you! 😘😘You made me so venerable though this video, and you should know I cried with you through the entire video. ❤️AND honestly I’m ready to hug you right though the phone, because I feel like you need a good old big hug❤️ XX

  • You two will be the most amazing parents one day

  • You are such an incredibly strong, amazing woman. I couldn’t agree you with you more that everything happens for a reason, you are helping so many women with the same struggle by sharing your story with so much emotion and detail. I truly believe you are doing this for a reason, you are helping women cope and relate to the most heartbreaking and difficult issue. Thank you for sharing this ❤️

  • Desi, you couldn't have posted this video at a more perfect time! I'm so sorry for your loss, a miscarriage is something traumatic and even though a lot of women go through it, it's not spoken about as often as it should. Thank you for being BRAVE. Thank you for being YOU! You and Steve will be in my prayers. Remember that God's Timing Is Perfect. ❤

  • This broke my heart. As a woman who is baby obsessed and dreaming of the day to start a family, my heart goes out to you so much. I put myself in your shoes and the fear I had was overwhelming..let alone actually go through it. Be strong, have faith and stay patient. You are SO much stronger than you think. And that baby will come. I pray that you get a chance to be a beautiful mother and share the exciting news. Just be patient ❤ thank you for sharing this. It was raw and real.

    • And don't ever be ashamed. It's gonna happen girl just keep your mind clear and let your body do it's thing in its own time. ❤ we love you!

  • Thank you so much for being so open and honest♡sending love and positive energy♡

  • Your so beautiful desi ❤️ when you least expect it you will be pregnant. You are so real its what i love the most about you. But god will send you that blessing when it is your time, i believed that and it happened for me so it will happen for you ❤️❤️

  • Oh desk I tried for 5 years and I finally got my bundle of joy I gave up like you did I stopped trying and I just felt so sad everyone around me was having kids and I was there with no baby but it wasn’t my time now that I see it it wasn’t my time

  • I love that you did this video I know it has helped a lot of women. You are amazing❤❤❤sending all my love

  • I have pulled myself away from most social media’s due to similar trials and tribulations but I have always made time to watch your videos. Keep putting your passion into your work and in due time all your dreams will come true. Remember there is not one manual for life everyone creates their own magic. Thank you for being such a huge inspiration ❤️❤️

  • You’ll get a rainbow baby! 🌈🌈❤️❤️

  • I don’t think you understand how much this video is helping others ❤️ thank you Desi.

  • You’re a beautiful soul desi. Everything will work out ❤️ you’re strong and it inspires me.

  • this video got me balling my eyes out, a miscarriage is the worst i could relate to you! but dont worry stay strong i love you girl💗

  • I cried so hard with you and it really hurts to see you so upset. I am SO sorry for you, but I know that everything will become good at the right time! Sending lots of love and HOPE from Germany💜

  • I cried through the whole video. Sending prayers and Love you're way. You're incredibly strong and have a amazing heart .

  • I'm child-free in that I have personally never wanted children and I mentioned that only because I want you to know how much your video moved me, how much I saw your pain and felt for you, even though I can't relate to what you're going through. There was a real Purity and honesty in how you expressed what you were feeling and for as little as it means coming from a stranger, I hope that you find peace in whatever the outcome is for you and all of this.

  • Love you girl💘

  • You are so strong and brave and beautiful. Thank you for this video, I am sure you helped so many people not feel alone and I’m sure a lot of people can relate. I was literally balling watching it because before I had my son I was trying as well and I had a miscarriage prior too... because of my epilepsy they told me I’d have a hard time so that scared me even more. I hated it when people would ask me so instead of me saying oh I don’t think I can, I would say “I don’t want kids right now” but deep down inside I did and it hurts but if we say we don’t want it I feel like we tell ourselves it will hurt less if we can’t. Just stay positive and don’t give up. My son is 7 months now and I am so grateful. Idk how you are when it comes to religion but I prayed so much for it. You guys will be in my prayers. Best wishes and much love ❤️

  • I feel for you 😪 if I may suggest for you to go and see kinesiologist if you haven’t already.I was ttc for about a year and then close friend suggested kinesiologist .I was a bit sceptical at the time as I’ve never tried something like that before and didn’t know what to expect ,but I went in with an open mind and it was truly one of the best experiences of my life, I felt as if something has “untangled” and she did tell me that I was all “blocked up” (energetically speaking ) .After only one session I felt this huuuuge relief and a sense of calm and the entire session was non evasive and totally relaxing and I got pregnant literally 2 days after 🙏 I too suffered miscarriage beforehand and I feel your pain ,it is tough on you physically and emotionally but it will get better and I am sure you will have your precious bundle of joy in your arms very soon. Stay strong🙏❤️

  • Sending you so much love ❤️

  • Stay strong beautiful❤️❤️ God has a written plan for everyone and maybe it’s just not your time. I wish you and Steven the best of luck❤️

  • I love you Desi! Stay strong! I'm only 20 and my fear also is what if I can't have kids when I'm ready. It's hard to think about it and I try not to..

  • This video broke my heart, you are beautiful and so strong for doing this and i hope you get to start the family you’re dreaming of ❤️❤️

  • Desi I am from Serbia and here we have a plant called 'virak' or 'vrkuta' and you can make a tea from it. It's a great tea for fertillity,uterus and hormones. It also heps in strengthing the uterus for carring the baby. You should try it. I am drinking it because it makes my periods exact on 28 day and my hormones are perfectly balanced when I'm drinking it. Sorry if my english isn't perfect. Sending you best wishes.

  • You are so amazing Desi. I’m so proud of you, your strength. Thank you for sharing your story.❤️

  • Literally bawling my eyes out. :( Praying for you, Desi and Steven. I had an aunt who struggled with pregnancy for almost 8 years. They had pretty much given up on being able to get pregnant and were beginning the process to adopt. They were a few months into the adoption process when they found out they were pregnant. She didn't expect much because she had miscarried several times before so they continued on with the adoption. She ended up staying pregnant that time and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. They also went ahead and adopted the baby girl they had been wanting and planning to adopt before that. So, I was lucky enough to get two babygirl cousins (one by blood, both by love and bond). Sending ya'll love and well wishes. I really hope this helps people to see how their pregnancy questions could hurt someone. It's like adding salt to a wound.

  • I love you Desi❤️ praying for good blessings to come your way❤️

  • That was perfect, Desi. Thank you so much for sharing your story again. You are brave and you are loved. Some day this will make sense and your determination will not be in vein. But no matter what Steven will be there for you, and you will always have each other.

  • Desi!! You are absolutely amazing!! Such a brave heartfelt video. You are never alone. No one is!! Enjoy life.. and as you say everything happens for a reason!! Sending you a huge hug all the way from the uk!! 💜😘💜 xx

  • You are so strong Des i♥ Im sending the both of you my love and good energy.

  • 💖💖💖

  • I LOVE YOU DESI!!! Sending so much love to you!!!!

  • Aww desi watching your video had me in tears I understand how you feel from my own experience I had two miscarriages and I couldn’t get pregnant for many years and I also asked god why and went to many doctors and they couldn’t figure why I couldn’t get pregnant I prayed for a blessing and when I least expected it I got pregnant it was a stressful 39 weeks since I was high risk I was always so scared and paranoid but everything went perfect I just had my healthy baby boy 3 weeks ago and I couldn’t be any happier all I can tell you is it will happen to you Gods timing is always right and he will bless you and your family one day god bless you and your family

  • Desi, wow 💜 I have no words to how much you’ve touched me in this video. The level of vulnerability you’re able to show with not only your subscribers but the world is more than amazing, I am speechless at your strength. I am sending you so much love and prayers that you will find peace within this situation. I love hearing how supportive Steven is to you, it warms my heart that you have someone there for you who is on your side like he is. The love you two share for each other is something I hope for in a future relationship. Thank you for sharing your experience, strength and love with us. Love goes out to you ✨💜

  • I feel your pain. I had 2 miscarriages and a molar pregnancy like yours. I am Currently miscarrying my 3rd pregnancy. I just came back from doctor to confirm :( i cant believe i go on youtube and i see this and decide to click and watch. i feel you. hugs desi!

  • Plastic face.

  • Desi you made me tear up for sure 😢 Stay positive, calm and don’t over think it..it will happen for you guys. (Air hug 🤗)

  • Around 5 years ago, my mum got pregnant and lost a little girl. That was really tough on my family because it caused us all mental pain but my mum also became unwell because of it. She has only just been able to talk to my sister and i about it but she still struggles to talk to us about it properly. I want you to know im with you and understand what you're going through. There are many women out there who are going through the same thing as you. I'm sure it will happen when the time is right xx

  • You are so strong! I will pray for you. Never give up! 😘😘😘

  • We all have struggles! The most empowering thing is talking about it and owning it❤️ I started a channel like 6 or 7 months ago and there is so much I’m scared to talk about! I get shy when it comes to talking about my current pregnancy because I’m afraid I’ll come off some way to someone who is struggling and I have yet to talk about how I actually struggled for a good while to either get pregnant or stay pregnant. I went through several years of infertility after having my first awful miscarriage then after actively trying I suffered another miscarriage which was just devastating. It tore my husband and I apart and we even separated for 2 months it had been 8 months since the miscarriage at the point we did reconcile it was a rough one and in the midst of what felt like an uphill battle and chaos and a potential divorce I found out (a year since my second miscarriage) I was pregnant and I was absolutely terrified because our relationship was already sooo fragile and I was afraid a baby at that point or even a miscarriage could rip us completely apart for good! That baby brought us together stronger than ever and forced us to face our problems and get past them! Since then despite all my efforts I can’t not get pregnant I’m having my 3rd baby in 3 years! I never wanted to be that person and I am afraid to talk about it because I feel it’s seen as a negative thing and I never want to be off putting to those who are struggling I’ve been there. I fear talking in depth about my pregnancies because they are very difficult (my first was life threatening for me and baby) and I don’t want people to think I’m ungrateful or complaining. I feel people like the honest and raw though. I get the most support and best response when I’m completely honest and raw with my followers and tell them what I’m feeling and my fears and it surprises me how many relate! I pray that when the time is right that God will bless you with a precious baby and that until that time he will give you comfort and peace and that you won’t feel the need to suppress how you feel. It’s absolutely ok to talk about it❤️❤️

  • Don't let that fear manifest itself. Keep having faith, let that fear go toGod. He's keeping your baby close to His heart. When you said it could have been for a reason. Maybe it was to find the mass tou wouldn't have otherwise found. Keep your positivity and happiness flowing, only speak what YOU want in existence, don't think about the what ifs . You are so beautiful and sweet .... even if your circumstances aren't good Gods purpose always is.----lesa teurkherst.... i saw this today. Maybe it was for you. We love you and support you 💗💗💗💗💗keep the faith lose the fear. Surrender He will always be there.

  • Without going into details of my situation (it would scare you more) but I’ve been through hell & back with pregnancy. I ended up with 2 boys after my tragedies & I know the feelings you’re having & I wanted to give you hug so many times throughout this video! Stay strong & be positive!! I’m sure it will happen when you least expect it!! ❤️❤️

  • ❤️

  • This is beautiful. I’m so encouraged by your honesty. I’m going through something different but the process of pain, feelings, thoughts and expressing that is so similar - it reminds me I’m human and I’m not alone! Your process is beautiful 🌼 thank you for sharing your heart 🧡

  • I know how hard it is to loss a baby. I lost my baby at 24 weeks I was 20 when it happened and sometimes things happen for a reason. Now I bought my new home got married and have my bag boy. He was such a blessing but the process is always hard. You will feel anxious and scared when. The time comes Belice me i literally had panic attacks coming to the 24 week mark. But I’m hopefully and I will pray for you desi for you to have your rainbow baby. Your a true inspiration!

  • Your bravery in sharing your story is amazing, because it is what every woman needs to hear. You're right, there is a fear in the back of every woman's mind who knows she wants to have a family that she may not be able to get pregnant. Every. Single. Woman. There is zero shame in seeing a doctor for help, if anything it will only reaffirm to others how much you love children and love the idea of being a mom. And while I know your desire is to have a child of your own, if one day comes that adoption feels like an option you truly want to explore, just know that there is a child out there whose life will be changed forever in what will clearly be your undying love, care and affection towards them. They will be beyond blessed to be able to call you their parents.

  • it's gonna be just fine. i hope you can reach this dream very soon, i send you my blessing and love to both. :)

  • I'm a new subscriber and i already love you. You seem so genuine and you're so strong. You're very brave for sharing your story, i wish i was this brave haha. Your video made me so emotional and i pray that God gives you a child. Take care. ❤❤

  • You got me crying my eyes out!! You will get there! And you and Steven will be the greatest parents!! ❤️❤️❤️

  • You're amazing Desi. Thank you for sharing. I know you will make the most amazing mother one day. 💗

  • Thanks Desi for being so real and raw! I admire your honesty, I love what you do and your makeup talents, truly a fan! It will happen in God's time, take care always and I wish you and Steven the best in your journey! ❤❤

  • You’re such a beautiful soul ❤️ I wish you all the best! Stay strong.

  • Who the fuck cares? GET SCHWIFTY.

  • what is wrong with people giving this video a dislike

  • God is going to make it happen for you promise. WE LOVE YOU DESI

  • You are in my prayers ❤️

  • im crying together with you throughout this video :"(

  • 💕 thank you for making this video, I feel your pain whole heartedly 😢 I struggled for 5 years and never ever got close, I have never been pregnant. I was the same as you and couldn’t imagine myself not being a parent, I had all the infertility testing and IVF but it failed. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through, and still to this day it still affects me at times slightly... but the one little thing that made my happiness is my little boy who I adopted 2 years ago ❤️ you will find your happy ending, it just might not look exactly like you thought it would. Have faith my lovely. Xx

  • Hardest video I’ve* ever watched

  • ❤️

  • *THATS WHAT THEY ALL SAY*

  • You are the strongest, bravest woman - my blessings are with you ❤️

  • That was hard to watch. Can't imagine how hard it would have been to film.Don't give up guys it WILL happen. Sending you all the positive vibes from New Zealand ❤️

  • Hang in there hun. I understand how you’re feeling. I had 3 miscarriages and then when I got married we tried and tried then went to a infertility doctor who told me I couldn’t get pregnant at all but then a couple years later I was being told I was pregnant and I had my son then I had to have a hysterectomy at 29 which obviously made me feel like my womanhood was stolen from me cause I couldn’t have anymore babies but I do thank god I was able to have my son and experience full pregnancy and birth one time. It’ll happen for you too hun it just takes some relaxation and patience and then when you least expect it it’ll happen. Lots of love and prayers.

  • Someone very close to me was trying to have a baby for about 15-20 years but every pregnancy ended in miscarriage, the hardest one was around 2008-09, she was almost 9 months pregnant when she received news about family members dying in a car crash and the stress got to the baby and she lost him too but she never lost hope and at the age of 40, through ivf, she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, he's starting first grade in september. Never loose hope, you're going to make a great mother one day

  • I feel your pain Desi. I’ve been there. I now can’t have kids because I have Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer and have to have my ovaries removed. It’s the saddest place in my heart. I will hold out hope for you and pray that it will happen when you are ready!! Sending you so much love.

  • I think if you’ve already talked about the miscarriage, you don’t need to feel like you have to tell the world why you haven’t been pregnant again since. People should just have the common sense to know and not keep asking about pregnancy and trust that when you are you will announce it and if you don’t ever announce a pregnancy, it just isn’t in the picture at the moment.

  • Desi you and Steven will be happy, u have to believe, u make such a great couple. Give yourself time. Your video is very personal and it made me cry a little when i saw u so sad..sometimes it's good to tell the whole world what's eating you from inside and what is so painful, it's lika a katharsis for your mind. But still, don't give up on your dreams - i hope u will be happy.

  • ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  • I was told at 11 yrs old I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant and I still haven’t, you are not alone it is difficult but there is always light at the end of the tunnel :)

  • Blessed be the fruit 👼🏽

  • You should go to a person that puts your womb in position they massage it I heard millions of people says it’s effective